Sunday, February 12, 2012

These Storms Aren't Really Storms - Entertainment - Humor

Are You Gonna Believe What You See, Or What They Tell Ya?

by Michael D. Hume, M.S.

You might think those were tornadoes that ravaged Alabama and Missouri during the last couple of months. Maybe you thought, "Hmm, you hear about tornadoes in places like Oklahoma and Texas, all the time, but... Alabama?" So you were surprised, but since Big Media told you those really were tornadoes, you believed it.

Meanwhile, I'm flipping hamburgers on my barbecue grill the other day, and there isn't even the slightest breeze. I'm getting smoke in my eyes, and that simply won't do. Where's the breeze? Typically, I have enough wind to make standing up difficult.

Well, not to worry. Those weren't really tornadoes, and that wasn't really a miraculous-but-eerie calm there at the grill. It's the federal guv'mint, here to help.

It's the administration's new Redistribution of Wind program.

And it's working about as well as big-government, central-planning programs always do.

Makes sense, doesn't it? I mean, have you heard much this year about tornadoes ripping through the standard places, like Kansas, Oklahoma, and Texas? Sure, they've had some storms in those places this year, but apparently not enough to get the ink, or the "air time" (ha ha). So the only logical conclusion is that, in an effort to promote the administration's Holy Grail of fairness and equality, that wind was redistributed to less-windy places.

After all, we have to replace our dependence on the evils of Big Oil with "alternative energy sources," such as wind energy (even though we could spend bazillions to triple our collection of wind energy and still not meet six percent of our national energy needs). And it's just not fair, darn it (stamp foot here to emphasize the point), for some states to have plenty of wind when others don't have near enough!

There is no truth to the rumor that the president's hometown will now be known as the "Appropriately Windy City, No More Windy Than Any Other."

But there's great synergy here. Once the Redistribution of Wind program gets up to speed (ha ha), clouds will also be more evenly distributed, and that means fair-and-equal distribution of the sunshine needed to power our exploding solar energy industry. Yay! We might triple our solar energy, too (if we spend billions of redistributed dollars)... and that might bring in another, what, six percent? Maybe?

So when your business, your home, and/or all your worldly goods get blown away... or when the windmill that powers your stock pump suddenly stops working... don't panic. It's just your tax dollars at work. And when the full-blown (ha ha) economic storm hits, just turn on the TV. They'll tell you nothing about that, but you'll hear all about the latest zephyrs in Maine.